What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
