At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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