we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
