Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
