nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
