the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
