I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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