Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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