We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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