The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
