I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
