I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
