That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
