If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
