his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize