Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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