new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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