am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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