just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
