There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
