you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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