this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
