I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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