you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I checked into jail on foursquare
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
