in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
