I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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