you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
