Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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