I wish I could teleport
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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