Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
