look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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