Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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