first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
