I got chris browned last night
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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