I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
