I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
