my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
