I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
