if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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