sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
