I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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