I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
