I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I smell stomach acid.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize