if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
