Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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