You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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