Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We left the knife in your bed.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
