I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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