brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
