this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
