You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
