A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
