i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
