you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
