Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
