Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
