Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
