Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
