remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
