A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
