i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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