I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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