Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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