Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
