oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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