Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
